I got word today that my nephew may be making his appearance soon. I am so excited to meet him. I knew his arrival would be a test for me, but I wasn't prepared for all of the emotions that coursed through my veins. One more layer to work through, I suppose.
She and I were supposed to complete this journey together. We should have spent the past few weeks "racing" to the delivery room, comparing swollen feet and making sure our go-bags were well stocked. Instead, she's having to face this without me. She's amazingly strong and will come through this beautifully, of course. I just wish we were doing it together.
I'm a little jealous that she'll have her baby in her arms and mine remain empty. I'm a little bit scared mine will always be empty. I'm a lot angry that my baby didn't get to live. I'm a little sad, bitter and frustrated too. But, I am also excited, proud and so very happy for them. I keep hoping the joy will bubble closer to the surface. I know it has a lot of crud to bubble through, but that little man deserves nothing but joy and love.
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